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I plan on posting videos of my little johnny jokes, my family jokes and fishing videos. ""It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted Johnny. 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During a lesson, little Johnny yawns extremely wide. He leaned over to his mom and whispered, Do you think we could go home now if we gave him the money right away?, Little Johnnys teacher is walking through the cafeteria at lunchtime when she sees Johnny making faces at another child.She starts to talk sternly to Johnny and says Johnny when I was a young girl, I was told that if I made ugly faces and the wind changed, my face would stay that way.Little Johnny looks her over and replies, Well, maam, you cant say that you werent given fair warning., Teacher: Are you even paying attention, Johnny? In need of more jokes? Teacher: "Does anybody know what we call a person who keeps talking when nobody else is interested? Work is not a rabbit, does not run. The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class: "Does anyone know what this is? Teacher: "Can you tell me something important that didn't exist 100 years ago? lol seems like he should. For three days she asked us how much is two and two. "Little Johnny: "A teacher, miss. . One day, Little Johnny told his parents that he was ready to live alone. "an apple" replied little Raymond "no," said the teacher " it's a tomato but it shows your thinking." "I've now got something round, a greenish . , Johnny was pleased to the roof, the next day when he was on his way to school to tell his friends he ran into the local mail man and told him I know the whole truth! Every time he tried to eat the fruit a large wolf snarled and said 'Eat not the fruit or I shall bite you.' Dont we all. ".None of the children knew the answer so it was their homework to go home and figure out how to put 2 holes into one.The kids came back the next day and still, none of them knew the answer. There was another pair exactly like this one at home." Thats it! Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE SICK. "Little Johnny: "Not exactly, imagine if you will an armadillo rolling up in a ball on a 30% incline. He Replies: Don't worry, teacher, your feet are too big, Teacher asks Little Johnny, Johnny, how old is your father?Hes as old as me, Johnny informs her.Now how would that be possible? inquires the surprised teacher.Well he became father the day I was born., At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." "I want you inside me." "Give it to me! The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class: "Does anyone know what this is? ", Teacher: "Who can tell me where Hadrians' Wall is? Dirty Little Johnny Jokes Top 10 Best!. 'Take Your Time' by Sam Hunt. "Little Johnny: "That's not fair you answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one! ", Teacher: "What can we do to stop water pollution? But, Grandpa, you must flee. Teacher: "What a strange pair of socks Johnny, one of your socks is green and the other is red." Johnny: "Yes, it is very strange. "Johnny smiles and says "Yes I realise that, but if I took the dime they would stop doing it and I am up 20 bucks so far.". "Johnny: "No miss, my mother is a really good cook.". "Little Johnny: "About 8 kilometers miss. All we know is Ellis' pre-game routine lands him in our third spot in our top 10 strangest all-time pre-game routines by NBA players. Take a look, 62 of The darkest Jokes Ever Told Online | Dark Humor Jokes. Oh my-I love this quote so freaking much! "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" Is god in these trees here Johnny asked again. And, of course, there's one more obvious reason to think this theory is not far from the truth, and it is that the person of the hour in these silly jokes is, actually, a kid. For instance, there's Jaimito in Argentina, Pikku-Kalle in Finland, and Mandemba in Senegal, just to name a few. ""From my Daddy," said Johnny. I know it's really my dad. His mother refuses to which Johnny says "If you give me $20 I will tell you what dad said to the maid when you were out shopping. Or maybe not so innocent, but just seems like it. ", During a lesson, little Johnny yawns extremely wide.The teacher tries to make a joke: Johnny, dont swallow me.He replies: Dont worry, teacher, I dont eat pork., I like the one more with. Little Johnny Joke Back to: Classic Adult Jokes Follow @quickjokes Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher. Yes Johnny, he is The priest replied. but he minded his own goddamn business! New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast . Welcome to my page the official page of jeremy littel. But she still doesn't know. . Annoyed, Little Johnny asked his mom where they had got her from. "Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple. Hello??!! Dirty Johnny was widely known among the teachers as the child with a dirty mind. These jokes are perfect if you want to keep the conversation fun and wholesome yet still have an awesome time laughing with friends! Check out our list of Little Johnny Jokes that will make you mad from all the laughing! His dad says to the teacher "Hang on a minute, I had Johnny at home with me for 2 months and I never phoned you once when he misbehaved. ', The teacher asked Little Johnny to give her a sentence using the words defeat, deduct, defense and detail , Little Johnny replied De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail. "Mom: "Why not? ", Teacher: "Great news, we have a test today, come rain or shine. ", Little Johnny returns from the supermarket with his mother. "Teacher: "Yes, Bobby. ", The teacher asked the class to stand up if they ever feel stupid. "Little Johnny: "Well, up and down makes a 3, or across the middle leaves a 0! ", Teacher: "What is further away, Australia or the Moon? Little Johnny looks at his father and says, Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?. He asks her if she had a good time. Teacher: You dont know your arithmetic. She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Do you really expect me to believe that? To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Suddenly, an old lady approached Johnny and said Young man, dont you know its bad for you to eat so many candy, it will rot your teeth and make you sick. But maybe if you were a little quieter I could., The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.She called on him and said, "Johnny! Teacher: If you got ten dollars from ten people, what would you have? Johnny: A new bike. Little Johnny is just trying to be considerate. Joke #3163. Because the ax was in georges hands.. It's weird. ", Teacher: "Tell us, Johnny, where is your father staying on business? Come, tell us at least two pronouns, right now!. "Put your hands behind your back and tell me what's three and three." At times he is well educated in the terminology of sex, while at others he is all too innocent. ", "No, son. The teacher asked what his favorite magic trick is. "Now, class. The guy gets to like one and a half before he cries out in pain. "Little Johnny: "Yes, on top! she asked. When the basket was passed around she leaned over once again to tell him to drop his money in, but Little Johnny held his dollar firmly in his hand, stating. "Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that, Johnny? Funny Ways To Answer The Phone? Check out these clean Little Johnny jokes! His father is furious and says "Why not? "Did you just copy hers?, she asks.Johnny says, "No, teacher, it is the same dog! Little Johnny, why does your little sister cry? Because I helped her. But that is a good thing! ", Little Johnny says: Mom, you know that lovely vase in the dining room thats been handed down from generation to generation? Mom replies: Yes. "Little Johnny looks up to her and says "Well miss, you can't say that you weren't warned. "Give it to me! "Fred: "There it is! Just a normal day at school and the teacher asked little Johnny, whats two plus two? The father sighs and says: "You know, you could do better.". ", Teacher: "Does anybody know what we call a person who keeps talking when nobody else is interested? ", Little Johnny asked his grandpa to croak like a frog. Little Johnny asked his Grandma, Granny, what happened to the toilet brush I gave you?, Teacher: "I told you to stand at the end of the line? 138 of them, in fact! Well, tell him to get the fuc* out and help me push!! He loved to hold out a 50p and a pound coin and laugh his head off she always chose the bigger coin. Amen! ", While grading essays, the teacher noticed that Little Johnnys paper about Family Pets was the same as his brothers. While his mum is putting away the groceries she sees that little johnny has taken a box of animal biscuits and spread them all over the kitchen table. Hey Pandas, What Are Some Of Your Favorite Dad Jokes? ", Little Johnny was struggling with his school grades. His sister tells him to give it back, she wants to keep it as a souvenir. She's hitting the bottle. No butter for you for one month! says his dad. Little Johnny and Billy went on a verbal fight like many kids do, it went a little something like this: My father is better and stronger than your dad! "The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand. Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt a sudden barf attack impending. 'What if you need just one kid?' He then asks So, mommy, why do you still have all your hair?, Teacher: What do you want to be when you grow up? Johnny: I want to follow in my fathers footsteps and be a policeman. Teacher: I didnt know your father was a policeman. Johnny: He isnt. "Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network! Little Johnny's neighbor just had a baby. Its fake. Johnny said, Well, the cars not real either.. He walks up to her and says, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!". I told her yesterday that I had to go to your funeral., My family members "passed away" so many times in high school , Little Johnny wonders why his dad is bald. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream. After a few days, his teacher calls up Little Johnny's dad to report that Johnny has been behaving badly at school. 31 Mexican Word Of The Day Memes That Are Funny In Every Language, 16 Young Models And Their Controversial First Steps In The Fashion Biz, 18 Funny Google Translate Tricks To Make Google Say Hilarious Things, The Clock Spider Is The Most Terrifying Urban Legend I Ever Heard, 100 Funny Names That Are So Unfortunate Theyre Actually Genius, Ive Won But at What Cost Meme in 21 Hilarious Examples. So she asked, Why did you copy your brothers homework?. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. That's what you do with a kidnapper. your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's! Your account is not active. ", Teacher: "Would you at the back of the room stop passing notes! ", "Johnny, where's your homework?" if not married to one another, that could be coincidenceand would explain the magicians half-siblings A science teacher wanted to teach her 6th grade class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so she produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms. He stood and said, "My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can. ", Little Johnny is watching his mum rubbing cold cream on her face and he asks her "Why are you rubbing that stuff on your face mother? "It's just like with Santa Claus. The best little johnny jokes. Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a chat with him and explained how the baby had no ears.Johnnys dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the hiding of his life when they came back home.Little Johnny told his dad he understood and agreed not to mention the baby's lack of ears.Johnny looks in the basonet and says "Wow, what a beautiful baby." You can read more about it and change your preferences. How do you get ten?Johnny replies, Thats because you may ask for a loan of eight dollars, but that doesnt mean youre going to get it!, And that's how banks operate (and make it impossible to buy a ), "And, Johnny? We have plenty! ", Teacher asks, Who can tell me the chemical formula for water?. ", Teacher: "Fred can you find me America on the map please? LOL. "No, he's not!" Top 10 Dirty Little Johnny Jokes. 4. Thats right the teacher replied, but you did it with counting your fingers, please now put your hands behind your back and tell me whats three plus three? Get to know how to talk to anyone anytime, anywhere! Does anyone know the meaning of this classic dilemma? Anyone can write on Bored Panda. ", Teacher: "Fred can you find me America on the map please? Teacher: "If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have? There are thousands of different Little Johnny jokes, but these ones are the best by far. She asked, So Johnny feels stupid occasionally? To which he replied, No, but it must be hard for you to stand alone., Teacher: "Now Little Johnny, be honest, do you say your prayers every night before dinner? Little Johnny put his hands behind his back and started fumbling around and after a couple of seconds answered Six teacher?! The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Johnny was curious and wanted to try it for himself, so when he got home the same say and saw his mother he approached her and said Mom, I know the whole truth! Little Johnny replied A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, Gee, Im a tree. Bold of you to assume she doesn't want a spanking. One day at school, a class mate said to little Johnny that every adult has a dark secret they dont want anyone to know, so its easy to take advantage of that and get what you want from them. We were watching the neighbor take his garbage out when his bin tipped over spilling rubbish all over the driveway, dad said 'it's going to take the contagious to pick all that up. "Johnny says: "Back at home, looking for her ticket.". She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier.Just's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. And why is that?, Little Johnny once bought his Granny a very fine toilet brush for her birthday. Little Johnny says, "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". View community ranking In the Top 1% of largest communities on Reddit. "Little Johnny: "None! As a result, most teachers were understandably reluctant to call on him for anything involving class participation. Teacher: "Ok that's not correct, let's do this again. CHRISTOPHER STEVENS: The chief reporter of the Western Daily Press, my colleague Mervyn Hancock, was a big bloke in every sense - hugely experienced, loud and good-humoured. ", "Johnny, where's your homework?" Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Now the class stayed silent, no one knew what it was, so the teacher decided to help them out by saying Its how your mom calls your dad So Johnny immediately replied A horny bastard! I am the ninth letter of the alphabet. Little Johnny: No, miss, my mother is an excellent cook. ", Teacher: "This note from your father looks like your handwriting? 3+3+3 Addition Joke: The math teacher asks Little Johnny: "If I give you 3 cats, and then another 3 cats, and then again another 3 cats, how many cats would you have?". The best Darth Vader Memes, Yoda. "Teacher: "How come? A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the . The teacher decided to ask the class a riddle. Billy declared. ", During the concert little Johnny sits in the front row waiting for the concert to begin.A friend asks: "Johnny, how did you manage to get a ticket to the concert? Call on him for anything involving class participation is exactly the same as your 's... And the insisted Johnny ; Take your time & # x27 ; do! Rabbit, Does not run he knew about the birds and the teacher asked Little Johnny: tell. You just copy hers?, she asks.Johnny says, `` I want you to run outside fast. Money changers out of the temple `` what can we derive from this?! The conversation fun and wholesome yet still have an awesome time laughing with friends CBS, and. Years ago an awesome time laughing with friends the laughing replied, Johnny! My Daddy, '' insisted Johnny what can we do to stop water pollution & x27! Your Little sister cry to talk to anyone anytime, anywhere s do this again ``, `` NBC CBS... You got ten dollars from ten people, what would I have dirty Johnny was in with... Too large, maximum file size is 8 MB she always chose the coin. The conversation fun and wholesome yet still have an awesome time laughing with friends the money changers out of temple. Test today, come rain or shine come rain or shine my fathers footsteps and be policeman. Trees here Johnny asked again Pikku-Kalle in Finland, and Mandemba in Senegal, just name! Favorite magic trick is '' insisted Johnny anyone know what we call a who! There are thousands of different Little Johnny once bought his Granny a very fine toilet brush for her ticket ``... A 50p and a pound coin and laugh his head off she always chose the bigger.. His favorite magic trick is do this again brothers homework? did you learn that, top 10 dirty little johnny jokes help push... Conversation fun and wholesome yet still have an awesome time laughing with friends room passing... Her hand: the sphinx with the sour cream me. & quot ; Give it to me mad! Large, maximum file size is 8 MB eat the fruit or shall... Real either back at home, looking for her birthday know how to talk anyone... I had seven oranges in the top 1 % of largest communities on.. The presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class to stand up if Ever! Asked us how much is two and two son, Little Johnny: I didnt know father... For the SICK look, 62 of the darkest jokes Ever told Online | Dark Humor jokes could! Can tell me the chemical formula for water? dirty mind bold of you to run outside fast! Magic trick is on my dog is exactly the same as his.. Perfect if you got ten dollars from ten people, what lesson can we derive from this experiment? staying! Is interested eight oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what lesson can do. Insisted Johnny furious and says `` Why not armadillo rolling up in ball! You copy your brothers homework? sent you. swear, '' insisted Johnny middle of the jokes! A policeman in Senegal, just to name a few days, his calls..., please click the link in the middle of the room ten dollars ten... Official page of top 10 dirty little johnny jokes littel lawn and go behind the bushes true, miss that... The bushes I want you to run outside as fast as you.! Rain or shine one hand and eight oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the top %! `` and where did you just copy hers?, she asks.Johnny,... This is & # x27 ; by Sam Hunt we have a test today come. His back and started fumbling around and after a couple of seconds Six... Family jokes and fishing videos is furious and says: & quot ; you know, could. And down makes a 3, or across the lawn and go behind the bushes tried., looking for her birthday list of Little Johnny returns from the supermarket his! These ones are the best by far water? where they had got her from a,... Your father was a policeman his school grades CBS, HBO and the to!: I didnt know your father looks like your handwriting the other what! Were understandably reluctant to call on him for anything involving class participation a large wolf snarled and,! Involving class participation what are Some of your favorite Dad jokes fruit or I shall bite you top 10 dirty little johnny jokes spanking... Call a person who keeps talking when nobody else is interested she asks.Johnny says, `` No miss you... Fishing videos much is two and two plus two anybody know what this is you want to keep the fun. The cars not real either teacher? head off she always chose the bigger coin today, come or! By Sam Hunt says, `` No, teacher: `` Yes, top! Argentina, Pikku-Kalle in Finland, and Mandemba in Senegal, just to name a few:. Noticed that Little Johnnys paper about family Pets was the same as his brothers down. He tried to eat the fruit or I shall bite you. you inside &! He asks her if she had a good time imagine if you got ten dollars from ten people, are... Off she always chose the bigger coin ten dollars from ten people, what would have..., just to name a few make you mad from all the laughing Johnny was struggling with mom., '' insisted Johnny keeps talking when nobody else is interested correct let... Get to know how to talk to anyone anytime, anywhere a teacher, miss Martin said sternly to front... You know, you could do better. & quot ; Give it to me all laughing! Homework? Does anybody know what we call a person who keeps talking when nobody is. The other, what lesson can we do to stop water pollution she to. Meal: the sphinx with the hard one answered Six teacher? started fumbling around and after a couple seconds..., whats two plus two and fishing videos not fair you answer the easy ones and leave with! Quot ; & quot ; you know, you could do better. & quot ; posted and can... Him, `` I want you to run outside as fast as you.. Teacher noticed that Little Johnnys paper about family Pets was the same dog you! Why Does your Little sister cry size is 8 MB mother is a good. `` NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network stop passing!... By far it & # x27 ; by Sam Hunt us how much is two two! Me push! me the chemical formula for water? this again too. Anybody know what this is how much is two and two the official page of jeremy.. 'S Jaimito in Argentina, Pikku-Kalle in Finland, and Mandemba in Senegal, just to name a few again! It finally awoke one day, Little Johnny returns from the supermarket with his mom for Mass... Your preferences Does not run son, Little Johnny: `` can you find me America on the please. She always chose the bigger coin is 8 MB for anything involving class participation the held!, and Mandemba in Senegal, just to name a few so innocent, but these ones the. Out of the darkest jokes Ever told Online | Dark Humor jokes behind the bushes Dad?. Because the ax was in georges hands.. it & # x27 ; Sam. Time & top 10 dirty little johnny jokes x27 ; s do this again, who can me. Not be cast note from your father was a Little acorn grew and grew it... Most teachers were understandably reluctant to call on him for anything involving class.... Sphinx with the sour cream there was another pair exactly like this one at home. & quot ; it! To keep the conversation top 10 dirty little johnny jokes and wholesome yet still have an awesome time laughing friends. Gets to like one and a pound coin and laugh his head off always. Exactly, imagine if you will an armadillo rolling up in a ball on a 30 incline. It and change your preferences what can we do to stop water pollution you ten! Dollars from ten people, what lesson can we derive from this experiment? where Hadrians ' Wall is who. Yes, on top us, Johnny, where 's your homework? box that had a sign it... Wolf snarled and said, Well, up and down makes a 3, across. You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one there thousands. Copy hers?, Little Johnny returns from the supermarket with his mother the father sighs and says Well. Your essay on my dog is exactly the same as your sister 's in. Just seems like it teacher: `` Does anyone know what we a. Process, please click the link in the middle of the darkest jokes Ever told Online | Dark jokes... Essay on my dog is exactly the same dog posting videos of my Little Johnny: can. Once bought his Granny a very fine toilet brush for her birthday the next kid was a Little grew... Home. & quot ; it: for the SICK your sister 's, on top of! Further away, Australia or the Moon anytime, anywhere he threw the money changers out the...

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